Today - right now

Here's what's happening today - right now.

 Bright and early we hung out with these cool people - and layed sod in our neighborhood retention pond.  4 pallets of it, and 60+bags of soil.  We got sweaty and dirty, but it was nice to work together with neighbors and good people who we'd never met.



Disclaimer - don't look too close.  In Florida, crabgrass is called "grass", so yes - we spent the morning laying crab grass.  Never thought I'd do that!

 Lots of painting going on.  Our HOA (which yes, I'm the president of) sent us a letter telling us we'd better paint our fence or else.  Well, we had a difference of opinion - I wanted to just plant some flowers to cover it up, but someone else wanted to paint it.  While we further negotiated, and my husband spent a week in Chicago, we got the second letter telling us to TAKE CARE OF IT!  So - we spent some quality time at Home Depot.  My husband got paint, and I bought herbs - lavender, chocolate mint, cilantro, stevia, citronella.  :)

Our eldest daughter is painting the neighbor's nails - she gave her a birthday coupon a year ago for a free nail polish session, and so they are hanging out on the back porch bonding over fingernails.

Tonight - cooking, cleaning, and watering all of that sod....  Yes, it's a thrilling life we lead.

April 22, 2014 - Monthly update

It has been busy.  It seems to always be busy.

After my brother's family visited and we all visited the Bahamas, (hard life I know) we had some friends come into town who we loved seeing.
And then another one of my brothers and his family came into town - they stayed for 5 days, and we loved playing with them.
While they were here, we traveled to Ft. Lauderdale, Florida to see the new LDS temple and go through the open house prior to it's dedication.
We also had a gorgeous beach day.  And got sunburned, and we really enjoyed So. Florida.
It has been really enjoyable to spend time with my siblings and their families these past months - and we are so glad we could see them.  I don't think they minded the gorgeous Florida weather too much either!

Our daughter had a birthday, Easter came and went. This year over spring break we worked on our traditional sugar eggs - cement hard eggs made from sugar that we decorate with royal icing (it too dries rock hard) for Easter.

Then...after years of thinking about it, we bought a ukranian egg decorating kit and we've had LOTS of fun decorating the eggs with wax, and then dying over the wax - creating layers and layers of intricate designs.  Unfortunately, mine always seemed to break just as I was finished and melting all of the wax back off again. Stink.  They are time intensive, and thus therapeutic and we've had lots of fun with them.


My husband has been back to work for 5 weeks now.  He is still shaking - violent shakes that come from no where - abrupt like a sneeze.  Sometimes they are accompanied by small shakes that don't stop.  He continues to see a naturopathic Dr. as well as a counselor who is doing EMDR therapy with him - as he tries to sort out childhood trauma.  It is difficult.  Difficult to see how very little things trigger him, and how they can affect him so profoundly.  Church and family are triggers. He has found that tapping has been helpful, and I've been concocting lots of different aromatherapy potions for him, which seem to help at times.  He doesn't sleep well - he usually wakes up around 3 am, and gets up and writes and writes and writes.  His insurance policy is that no one can read this handwriting.  Sometimes he comes back to bed for a while, sometimes he is up for the day.  He has been very busy at work, and has slogged through some things that have been difficult.  It is a blessing if he makes it through 8 hours of continuous sleep.  I'm especially grateful for nights when he doesn't wake up with panic attacks, grabbing me, or small or big shakes in the night.  Usually one of us ends up at some point out on the couch.  If it is a good night, undoubtedly, the cats will begin picking at the door to get out, or jumping on the door knob from outside as they try to open the door to come in.  I'm usually pretty tired, but we are managing...and learning to live with it.  He isn't driving long distances still. Sometimes he has to pull over on the side of the road and wait for shaking to subside before he can continue driving. He calls to let me know, and I know eventually he will make it home.  This Sunday was particularly bad, (all weekend) and a kind friend noticed how bad it was (I was in primary with the children) - he ended up driving my husband's car home for us.  My husband had to stay late, and a friend drove him home.  One the way, the friend's daughter saw him shaking, and said, "I don't like it when you do that.  Please don't do that any more".  My husband laughed and laughed when he told me about it.  Our friend was probably pretty mortified.  Oh, that it were so easy to turn off...

I've been doing a lot of reading and research - I've found so much truth in reading and studying Brene Brown's work.  We've listened to several of her CD's, her online presentations, as well as a few of her books.  I'm amazed - and as I speak with friends who are struggling in their lives, I see answers in Brene's work.  I think I should earn commission from her - at least a small marketing perk or something.  Really - it has been very impactful.  I've been working on some guideposts from Brene's books - to become more wholehearted.  As such, I've begun drawing - which I've never done before, but am really enjoying.

The kids are doing state testing right now, and our youngest is excited to be commencing pottery wheel classes.
 Last week the kids were off school for Good Friday - we picked up material, and over the weekend, we made some berets.  My friend (and daughter's friend's mom) began chemo treatments last week.  We made her some cute berets and are having a hats and scarves shower for her.  Our youngest made her a snuggie from fleece, and has been so gratified to see her using it.  SO - my sewing machine was still out.  My treat - that I hold like a carrot in front of me to clean my house is to have the time to sew.  I haven't sewn since we moved to Florida - almost 3 years ago.  Since my machine was out, this morning, after replacing the zipper in some jeans, I pulled out an old project.  A baby blanket, that I began in Colorado for my nephew.  He is at least in kindergarten.  I was playing around with machine quilting.  It didn't look very good, so it got buried in an unfinished projects box.  This morning, I thoroughly enjoyed finishing it.  I just need to bind it now.  Kind of exciting to almost be able to check it off of my list.  And while it took some creative repairs (it was cannibalized by children in a couple of spots for whatever sewing project they had and snipped off a piece here or there), it is actually kind of cute - if you don't look too closely.  What 5 year old doesn't want a baby blanket??!!  Anywho... I'm not putting away my sewing machine for a while.  Both of my kids, and a friend made berets, and my girls are loathe to gift them.  They love them, and have begged to make more for themselves, and I've got a spring quilt top that I pieced years ago that just needs batting and backing and binding.  I'm going to finish it and put it out for my spring throw.  

Our house has been full of music as our oldest daughter got a keyboard/midi system for her birthday, and she's been composing music like a fiend.  I find myself here, humming one of her compositions.  So fun.

We are gearing up for birthday season, and looking at a very very busy summer with a flute camp, and two required marching band camps, along with girls camp, possibly EFY, and some traveling with my husband (since I'm the long trip chauffer).

Bahama Mama

So - we had the opportunity to check another adventure off of our Florida bucket list - we went on a cruise to the Bahamas, and it was pretty divine. 

As it worked out - my husband's work wouldn't let him come back to work, so he did some much needed healing as we floated through the ocean.  

Ahem.. the girls didn't mind taking a week off of school either... 

Cabbage Beach - Nassau - Bahamas

While the beach was beautiful, the drop at the waterline was quite extensive, and just a few feet out was over my head, with big and strong waves crashing in and pulling out.  It felt out of control (the water), so we didn't actually really play on the beach for very long in Nassau.  

Casting off!

We hired a taxi/tour and drove around Nassau.  We stopped to buy a conch for $5. Then looked over the sea wall, and saw this!  Supporting the local economy I guess. :) 

We climbed the 66 steps - which are symbolic of the 66 years of slavery in the Bahamas.  And we even stopped at our tour guide's franchise owner's establishment and waited for him to pay his bills.  A little crazy, but it was a fun adventure.  

 The third day of the cruise was pretty amazing.  My husband and  youngest daughter participated in a 5K on Disney's private island.  My husband won, of course.
After finishing the race, they ran right down into the water to cool down.
Because our kids are older, I got to spend some time swimming in the ocean.  The island didn't have much in the way of waves (my favorite) and so I swam laps for an hour and LOVED it.
We all snorkeled (and saw a baracuda, a huge grouper - with frightening teeth) and played with some tubes, and we rented bikes and biked around on the island.  It was a truly paradisiacal day.

 We spend the last day at sea - we went to an oragami class, and the kids spent time in the kids club.

We've already been talking about how soon we can book another cruise - it was so fun!

Now the nitty gritty - when we got back, my husband had a message (he thought he was going back to work on the 25th) saying they didn't want him back at work for another 3 weeks, and he had to see a new neurologist, one he'd never seen before who would sign his "fit for duty" paperwork.

After some confusion, he figured it was a gift.
He's been seeing a naturopath.  I don't even imagine in my greatest fantasies that I can understand it.  He is seeing a counselor doing some EMDR therapy for trauma, and we've been reading lots of books and trying to find anything we can that might lead to insight and understanding of what is really going on.

In a crucial moment, I called my sister last month, and asked her for some help.  She's an amazingly insightful woman.  She listened carefully, and said she thought that my husband may be dealing with shame.  I know, how weird does that sound?  She recommended that we find some books on shame by Brene Brown.
We bought the CD Men, Women, & Worthiness.  It absolutely rocked our world.  As my husband and I listened, we started to recognize truths.  Many of which have been soul jarring painful, but as we've begun to really understand what my husband has been going through, pieces of the puzzle have finally begun to fit together.

Go buy the CD's. On amazon. Right now.  Seriously. NOW.

I've recommended these CD's to several of my friends, who have bought them and are finding answers to their own personal issues.  I don't know if it was how she said it, but it just clicked.  So - for 3 months, we'd been searching and sifting, trying to figure out where my husband had experienced trauma.  All of the neurologists (6 so far), psychiatrists (2 so far), primary care giver (1), naturopath (1), and counselor (1) have been trying to track down the mysterious trauma that has been causing my husband to have seizures for the past 3 months.  Tests, tests, tests.  Drugs, drugs, drugs.  Guessing, and throwing our hands up in defeat.
Until the CDS.  They resonated.  We had to sit down as we learned that a body reacts to shame in the same way (if not even a stronger reaction) as it reacts to trauma.  Absolute revelation.  Now, we've begun to work through it.  It isn't pretty.

But.  My husband has been praying for healing for as long as he can remember.  His prayers are finally being answered.

My sister pointed out to me yesterday when we spoke, the girls and I have the beautiful experience of watching my husband's true self awaken.  Not the shell of a person who was always hiding, but the vibrant, amazing man that I fell in love with - as a WHOLE person.

It is a long road ahead, but we are walking it together.  It has been a VERY tough journey for both of us.  But I know that the end result will be worth it.  My husband now has what we call his "crap -ometer".  He can spot it a mile away.  You know, insincere words, lip service and the likes.  He is no longer the deliberate diplomat, but now is calling it how he sees it - who cares what others think?  And to be brutally honest - right now, he is angry.  His entire belief system of how he fits into the world has crumbled into the dust and blown to the wind.  

Today, he was asked to speak in church (give a sermon).  It was one of the most honest talks I've ever heard.  He was so real.  True to what he really thinks and feels.  And he threw it out for everyone, and it was gripping.  A man from Holland who isn't a member of our congregation came and asked for a copy of his sermon, so he could share it with his wife who couldn't come.  Another person who isn't a member of our congregation came up and spoke with him about it, and so many people have commented about how heartfelt and timely it was.  Did I mention it was beautiful?

So - this week, his shaking has slowed down and almost completely stopped.  In it's place, is anger, and flashbacks, and tears as he tries to figure out how to process everything.  I described an experience he had with his counselor to my sister, and she said that he is actually suffering from PTSD.  Wow.  Who would have thunk?

On a final note, our cub scouts troop had its pinewood derby yesterday.  I made a pickle car, and our youngest made a hershey bar. But the paint got smudged, and no one knew what it was. She got the prize for the most 'rustic'.  Yes, please kick me in the stomach again :) She wasn't thrilled but it was fun. My car fell off of the track twice, then when I fixed the wheel, I added too much super glue and then my wheels ended up not even turning at all.  Oh, the pangs of pinewood derby cars.

Finally, my last news (I almost forgot). The week after our cruise (last weekend) there was an LDS women's conference, called Time Out For Women.  I had the opportunity to play my cello and perform with one of the music groups - Mercy River.
The fun part was that my friends had NO idea, so they were surprised when I went up on stage.  (I'm sneaky like that sometimes).  I got to hang out back stage with the presenters - so that was pretty exciting.  My oldest daughter and her friend, and my neighbor from across the street got to go with me too, and it was really fun.
Playing onstage for 2,100 people was exciting too.  My biggest venue yet!

Pictures to come, but that should catch us up for now.  XOX Mare

Roller Coasters and the power of fasting and prayer

This week has been a doozy.
Monday, my husband spoke with his HR dept & was told him that after his medical leave expires (in a few weeks), company policy is to terminate the job if the individual isn't ready to return. (They had previously told him something different.)
In a panic to return to work or bust, I took him to work at 6:30am Tuesday morning to see if he could make it work in the office environment, as long as he had some quiet hours without everyone around.

(He has been working part time from home since the beginning of January.)

He called me at 10:30 and asked me to pick him up.
Apparently, he had popped his head into HR to say hello and was told that the info he had received wasn't accurate - which was a relief.  But, they also freaked out that he was there.  He had been in some meetings, and he had just told everyone that "I have the shakes/seizures" and kind of explained what happens and that he isn't in pain or hurt, but what to expect.  As he chatted with the HR lady, he shook (the new normal around here), and she told him he had to leave the premises as his DR orders didn't say that he could come into the work place.

So, he came home and worked from home. He worked a strong day on Wed. until he received an email from HR asking him to cease working immediately.  Due to the 'incident' (? whah??) they wanted him to stop and would have a phone conference with him on Thursday.  So.... on Thursday, he had a conversation with them.  Because of "what transpired" on Tuesday (seizing/shaking?? we don't know what else transpired) they are very concerned and want him to stop working so he can get better.  In three weeks, if he isn't all better, they will terminate his job, but offered him an extended leave.  If he isn't better by then, he could then be placed on a long term disability leave.
We are grateful for his company's generosity and willingness to work with him.  But as it stands. Get better, or you can apply for a new job here or elsewhere if you ever get better.
He's been in a turmoil, trying to figure out if he can 'push through' everything to be better completely in 3 weeks.  Including the 25% of traveling that he must do to fit his job description.  It seems a very tall order.

So, we've had a very emotional week. UPs and Downs, and all around. What to think, what to do?

On the flip side of all of this, I want to share something very personal.
Do you believe in spiritual power?
I do. Do you believe in family spiritual power? I do.

I learned as a child.  When a certain uncle was out of a job, or when a cousin was having a health problem, we all set aside a specific day to pray and fast together for that individual as a family.  Grandmas and grandpas, uncles, aunts, cousins...all of us.
I saw it work.
I felt it work.
It works.

This weekend, desperately in need of family spiritual help, I messaged all of our aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, nieces and nephews and the likes, (thank you for keeping us in touch face book), and asked them to all join with us in a family fast for my husband's health.  (This means 24 hours of no food OR water - yep - 24 hours.  We do it once a month.  We try to focus on our relationship with Heavenly Father and bring our will more into line with His.  We also donate the $ we would have used for food for the use of helping those in our area in need - it is beautiful.)

As I write this, it is 8:45 pm.
Is it too soon to say that it worked? That I know and have felt an incredible power from this prayer and fasting? I know it works.

I sent out the message on Friday night and awoke on Sat. morning with a feeling of strength. Strength that wasn't my own. It is hard to put a name on it, but I felt a steadiness and strength. I could feel the power of prayers being offered for us.

Today, I have not seen my husband have a seizure or shake even once. He said he had a super mini shiver of something earlier today while at church, but that's it.
Compare to two weeks ago - after an hour and a half of meetings, I had to take him home.  Compare to yesterday, and every day before, since mid Nov. (except for Thanksgiving after my brother in law had done some brainwave balancing on him) and the daily multiple seizures and shaking - such as the 5 in one hour on Thursday at a dr. appt..

For now, for today - he isn't shaking. I'm not sure why. Do I believe that it was because of the faith, prayers, and fasting of others on his behalf? Absolutely.
Do I believe in miracles? Absolutely.

Am I afraid to wake up tomorrow? Perhaps a little, but I know that this is in God's hands. I have felt a calm reassurance that this is in His hands.
I have felt his love for me through the kind actions of others (like someone who just happened to bring dinner to our family out of the blue last week, or someone who called this morning to offer him a ride to an early meeting).  I see God's love manifest in our lives. I know that He hears and answers our prayers. I don't know what direction our lives will take from here, but I know that I can trust God, because He is in charge, and all week a phrase has been rattling around in my brain.  
That phrase is: "Be still, and know that I am God"

For today, I am incredibly grateful, still and in awe.
#prayersandfasting
#Godshealingpower

For the record

Another week has rolled through.  I made it through the last one.
Today's best news is that when I called the power company this morning, and asked them to look at the past 2.6 years of our history with them, they saw that we (indeed) have paid our account on time, and so they were willing to waive the notice they'd sent us stating that they were requiring a $600+ deposit for the next three years until we'd proved our credit worthiness with them after they moved our payment date, and then shut off the power last week. What a monopoly! Grrrr.  Thank you to the nice lady who helped me.  

This week, started out with Dentist appointments, but due to the President of the USA and his lovely medical plan, all of our medical plans changed this year. The insurance office wasn't open on Monday due to the holiday, and therefore some transfer that had to happen with our dentist (who has always been our dentist) so that we could have our teeth checked wasn't able to happen. So, my kids didn't get to go to the dentist - even though we made them get up and ready by 8:15 on their day off of school.  Yes, they were loving me!

Tuesday, we had another Dr. appt for my husband. The one with the 1.5 hr. commute.  That Dr. told us that he's not quite sure that my husband's seizures aren't medically related.  All of the neurologists told him that they can't find anything so it must be mental/emotional.  Pot/Kettle/Black??  Then the Dr. told him that it is just recently that non-epileptic seizures are being recognized in the medical field, however, there is little or no research to rely on.  He recommended sending us to a neurologist for more testing....Feels like back where we started. Again.

Wednesday, I got to go to the dentist.  Not my favorite, but at least no cavities.  Thanks to my cousin, my previous dentist, I'm on a rolling streak! Speaking of rolling...we went roller skating last weekend.  Ummm hoping to never have to do that again?!  I was almost to the point of feeling comfortable on wheels again (guess my point of gravity has changed) when we (mercifully) decided to leave.  Our kids, though - LOVED IT!!

Yesterday afternoon, we met with some friends who are in town - we knew them in Colorado - and bought their piano from them. Then they moved, but it was fun to spend time together and catch up.  We went to Blue Springs State Park, and saw TONS of manatee (cause it is so cold here right now - sheesh!).  They had counted 238 at the park that morning... I'm not sure if we saw half, but we saw several close up, and it was fun - as always.

Today, another Dr. appointment, then a phone call visit with a financial adviser - that was useless.  He told us to find a local financial adviser.  I tell you - the fun never stops at our house.

I stayed up late working on tax returns (why won't that one mutual fund company send out year end documents sooner? I'm always stuck waiting on them!).  After I finish chronicling my exciting life, I look forward to a shower (hot, because it is so cold), and laundry folding, perhaps snuggling with the kitty, and a few music lessons before running around to drop people off at rehearsals.

Guess what?  Tomorrow.... another doctor!  Our daughter has an eye appointment.  One has an all day rehearsal for an all county band event, and the other an eye appointment.
A week of appointments.  I think the calendar is empty next week.  Thank goodness!

One of THOSE days

You know those days? The dreaded ones? The type that you just can't believe is actually happening?
I'm having one.
Right now.
Really.

I was supposed to go walking this morning. It didn't happen. My husband had a bad night, and so, mine wasn't too great either.

I woke up, got the kids up, made healthy waffles, made a great healthy kale/cranberry/red pepper smoothie to give me a little pep and energy for my exciting day of new biking trails with a new biking friend, with a promise of a dedicated mountain bike trail - complete with jumps and dips etc.

Got the kids off to school, and took my daughter to Target before school because she needed 'close toed shoes' for her science project today (??).  She wore me down and she got Uggs.  As if furry boots were EVER needed in Florida.  Whatever.  At least they were on their way out, and only cost $10.56, and she pledged to pay for half.

Then, the fun began. I dropped her off at school and got home, texted my friend that I needed 10 minutes to get ready.  As I was rummaging around for my biking shorts, I heard a truck, then a cling/clang outside my bedroom wall, and the electricity shut off.  I quickly assessed my options. "Should I go to the kitchen for a knife? Where's the bat? Where did my husband say his gun was?"
I opened the garage door, and saw that the big door was open which was strange.  And then.
I saw him.
Evil man.

Sitting in the utilities company truck.  DUKE ENERGY.  Avoid them like the plague - I very very strongly dislike them, and have ever since we moved to FLORIDA.  Can you say monopoly?

I yelled "HEY" just as he started up the truck to drive away.  "I don't have any power", he replied "I know, that's my job".  WHAT??
"You have to call them to get it back on",  "Um...my phone isn't working and I don't have internet to get the number, what number do I call?"  He handed me a business card and said, "don't call the 1800 number, who knows where they are.  I'll be around as to turn it back on as soon as you work it out."

I headed inside.  Dialed the number.  After unsuccessfully trying to find a human, I was disconnected since I didn't have my account number memorized and handy, and couldn't find it without the power.  (So much for paperless filing).
I rummaged around the house and found a letter that I'd received 3 days ago, dated Dec. 30, 2013.  It said if I didn't pay my by the 8th, my electricity would be shut off.

By then, my husband had turned on his hotspot for his laptop and I was able to verify that I indeed had paid all of my bills to the utility company for the entire past year, 9 out of ten times even a week before the due date.  Come on - we are pretty responsible people.  Most of the time.

I called again and must have pushed the right button because I finally got someone on the line.  Ricardo. Poor Ricardo. I wouldn't like his job.  Not one bit, because I was angry at this ridiculousness.  He and I chatted about my payment.  Yes, he could see my payments had been received. Yes, but there must be a 'missing payment'.

APPARENTLY, sometime in September, I was notified that the payment due date was changing from the 10th of the month, to the 30th of the month (as in, 10 days earlier).

Unfortunately, in September, my husband had an appendectomy, then a prostate infection, many tests and Xrays, and then ended up in the hospital for several days, and is still not better.  Add two weeks of house guests, and the holiday season, and that pretty much sums up how I somehow missed the alert that the monthly payment date was being changed and accelerated.

It isn't their fault, it was mine.  Ignorance isn't an excuse.  I know.  But REALLY?  How about a phone call, a second notice? Something?  No sir - this monopoly doesn't mess around. They just turn off your power. I guess they got the results they wanted.

So, Ricardo explained that my meter is now read on the 6th of each month and payment is due by the 30th.  Pretty short billing cycle I'd say.  At least I guess I know now.

So I paid the bill.  That was apparently 2 weeks late, unbeknownst to me.  I'd figured when I saw the previous notice that the bill and payment had crossed in the mail since we've never ever been delinquent on a payment.

Moving along.
I found my clothes, then headed out to prep my bike.  I decided to use my daughter's since my wrists have had a lot of pain with my bike.  Her tire was flat.

I had a spare tube, and changed the tire.
We started along our way.
We got 6.14 miles when I went around a curve in the path and felt a 'swoosh' and felt like my back tire was sliding out from under me.  My friend looked at my back tire and told me it was flat.
What are the odds? Sheesh. 
We walked back to a nearby park, sat down and waited, and called my husband to put the bike rack onto the car, and come and pick me up.

I'm thinking about spending the rest of the day in bed!

I saw a post on FB that said, THINK POSITIVE, like if you are falling down the stairs, think about how quickly you got to the bottom.  :) I think that post was meant for me.

Holy Smokes - it has been a while!

We were so flipping excited to roll in a new year.
My husband's dr. told him he could come back in 6 months (YAY!!), but he's still seeing 2 other drs. in the meantime.
Our holidays were oh so very quiet this year.  Which is okay, but it didn't feel like Christmas to anyone for the most part. Anyways, the kids are back in school, and all of the Christmas clutter is put away (thank Heavens!).  The missionaries (the Elders and Sisters) came over for dinner on Christmas night along with some other friends, and we have flan and carne asada.
After many years of marriage, we finally realized that we have virtually no traditions for Christmas day evening.  We decided that since we don't like turkey or ham (once a year is plenty thanks), we should figure out a meal we really like.
So - if you wonder what we eat for Christmas dinner - Carne asada, black beans, rice, & flan.  If you were wondering about Easter - Taquitos and Trifle.  (Yes, I'm aware of the mixed nationalities on that one, thank you very much).

Not sure how I got onto that food tandem.
Moving along.

My husband worked 27.5 hours last week.  I think he felt really good about it.  The kids went to school, we moved a bunch of shelving out of our bedroom and some storage things around in our spare room and turned it into a home office.  This weekend, he graduated from a tv tray table to a table - and we picked up a 6' table for some other projects - like sorting 16 years worth of photos and putting them into albums.  Can I cry yet?
It also comes in handy for entertaining - we actually used it tonight - before I had a chance to spread out all of the projects on it.  Nifty nifty.

So.  Kids in school, husband working, me in a quiet house (except for when he takes piano breaks).  I've read a few good books, and have enjoyed re-locating my kitchen counters and floors (work in progress).  I also got 40.5 miles logged on my bike last week.  A family ride including dinner, a 20 miler for me just cause (and I explored some new trails!), and then a tenner with my daughter on Sat. with lots of water breaks as we combat her asthma.

I still have a feeling of being underwater - like there's so much to do, and I just can't find the motivation to get it done - things seem like they are going in slow-mo.  But, I'm slowly getting closer to the surface again (I hope).

I had a thought this morning which brought me comfort.  I was thinking about a friend who's son has been really sick.  Her husband has been out of town, and so yesterday, she called the Elders (that's their title even though they are only around 20), and asked them to give her son a priesthood blessing.  Last update from her this evening was that he is doing much better since the blessing.  Her son, he isn't 18 yet, he is still young.  I thought about - why was he sick?  As in, what would the purpose be?  He's very recently had a LOT of stress and very heavy challenges, and this seemed to be the straw that would break the camel's back.  So, what is the purpose of everything he may be going through?

Then I saw it.  The answer - just simple and there.  How could this young man ever expect to gain a testimony of priesthood blessings, if he never got ill enough to need to be healed through one?

Take it a little further.  Our experiences in life teach us, and give us opportunities to grow.
So - where am I/he/our kids growing right now?  Sometimes it is hard to see the forest through the trees.  I've learned that there are so many kind people, and I will be forever grateful to them for their kindness and compassion.  I've learned that things just don't turn out as planned.  I've learned that there are many worse things that a husband who experiences what is "formerly known as seizures".

My husband has been working with a counselor, and has asked me to join him.  I'm learning more about who he really is, and what he thinks.  Our relationship seems to change every day.  I'm learning that I'm maybe not very patient.  We have found opportunities to discuss many things, as we try to figure this out day by day.  During my husband's last session, I actually found myself remembering some incidents from MY childhood that I had buried deep down in the recesses of my mind.

I've also realized, that if you break an arm, it needs time to heal.  Whatever my husband is dealing with may (hopefully) heal very slowly.  It may also never heal.

But, one thing that I have learned is that I'm not in charge, and neither is he.  I have to let go, and let the Lord steer and guide us, and the closer I am to listening to the Spirit, the closer I'll come to understanding the meaning of this experience we are having.  Then again, perhaps not.  Perhaps, there is a much more subtle meaning from all of this, and I may never know.

The one thing I do know is that GOD Loves Me!  No matter what.  He is aware and mindful of my prayers and my needs, as well as those of the family.  But, as long as I faithfully believe on the healing merits and power of Christ and His love, I know that we can make it through this, and it will be all right.

Yesterday, on our way home from another Dr. appt. my husband and I realized that Christmas is a week away. 

Now, if you live in any other state than Florida, please try to take this with a grain of salt.  But, as a non-Florida native, Christmas time is a very difficult time of year for me to be motivated. 

Like, how am I supposed to realize it is Christmas when it is 85* outside, and I'm thinking about going to the beach as I plan my day?  What I'm saying people is that (poor me), the natural triggers just aren't there. No snow, no cold, no icicles, no hot chocolate and caroling...zilch, nada. Nothing to help me realize that I had really better get it together! 

Yes, I've been working on Christmas projects for siblings, and just got them into the mail.  Checking them off of my to finish asap list.  But I must be in denial because beyond that and caramels for teachers/friends at the girl's school, that's it.  Zilch.  We've got nothing baby beyond making and decorating 4 dozen sugar cookies for my daughter's class party.  

Today, my husband is spending a few hours with a friend, and so I, in all of my alone and spare time (horray, I'm alone for a few hours!) woke up with a mission to take chicken noodle soup to a sick friend for lunch.  Which I did.  Then I watched an episode of Lark Rise to Candleford.  And ate lunch. And just realized that I have music students who will be showing up very soon. No Christmas shopping here!  

As I think about tomorrow and what to do now that the kids are out of school - we'll most likely go to the beach!

And for the record, do I miss the cold, snow, icicles, etc.etc....not one bit baby!

  

  

Just when I thought...

You know, sometimes life rolls along smoothly. And then sometimes you just can't catch your breath to get back on your feet.
Yep.
Our daughter decided last night that we are calling this year, year of the plagues!
It has been like that.
Yesterday, as I was biking our youngest to school, I could hear a weird cough and wheezing going on. I turned her around and we went back home since she said she had had a hard time breathing and her chest was tight when she was running.
To the Dr we go. Yep, exercise induce asthma.
We spent the morning at the Dr office then picking up scripts and stuff to get her healthy again.

Then, last evening, we found a little worm on our cat. After some research, it looks like we get to take the cats to the vet today too.
I so didn't need this.
Our other daughter is congested, but seriously, no one is allowed to get sick.
I can't take it. Really I can't!

I swear, we are having the biggest New Year's Eve party ever this year. So tired of the year of the plagues. That is... If we are even still around by that point.

The 8 Day MRI saga

 A week to remember, that I hope we forget. We went to the hospital on Wednesday for the MRI under sedation, and when we got there, we were told that they couldn't do it if my husband was having seizures.  (But they said they weren't seizures since he wasn't blacking out). After much frustration, they told us that they were speaking directly to the doctor and that he directed us to the Emergency Room since he was on call there, and could see us there, and that they could do the MRI there.

Unfortunately, they were very busy. My husband was put on a stretcher, had a bunch of calming drugs pumped into him and left in the hallway for 10 hours. Finally, after 11 hours, he was admitted into the hospital for "involuntary contractions" which weren't technically seizures, but pretty darn well looked just like them.  I timed them.  He had 19 in 1 hr. 10 minutes.  It was horrible to see.  Fortunately, I'd made arrangements for our kids after school with a friend and she just took care of everything they needed.  What a blessing!

Jeff got situated in his room for the evening and I headed home for a few hours of sleep.  Picked the girls up and got them off to school, headed back to the hospital.
I spent the day there as my husband met with many different Dr. aides, a few doctors, and had lots of tests done. After the EEG, they moved him from the 4th floor to the 9th floor, to a much nicer, spacious room.  A friend picked up my girls, and another friend picked them up and brought them AND dinner to us in the hospital.
I took the girls home when a friend came to visit my husband, and went for a quick bike ride in the morning - except that it was a really slow ride - one of my slowest ever!  The girls went to school, and I packed a bag to stay the night when my husband called and said that he'd had a horrible night, an invasion of his privacy by a nurse that was very traumatic, and that he had wished I'd stayed.

We had a great nurse, and several friends stopped in to say hello, one even brought me lunch (she's a keeper).  The Dr. group was pretty cruddy.  In the ER, we'd asked that they contact our Dr.  They never did.  They asked if we minded if they 'consulted' along with our Dr.  We thought they would put their heads together and confer.  Nothing even close to it.  They completely erased him from everything and decided to take their own direction without consulting us or him.  At one point, the neurologist was ready to send my husband home - without the MRI that he'd been waiting for!  We threw a bit of a stink, and finally the Dr. came it to speak with us (we'd never even met her - she didn't seem to have time to meet the patients, just to send them home after reading someone else's opinion and impressions of them...grrrr)

My husband went for 24 without sleep due to some medication, and started to seize everytime his body tried to sleep.  Finally, late Friday night, they came and got him and he had enough drugs in him and was tired enough that he was able to make it through the MRI without seizing.

On Saturday, after waiting for an eon. The neurologist's assistant told us that they hadn't seen anything in the MRI. As far as they could tell, everything looked great.  So, we waited for another 5 hours for the discharge Dr. to get there to sign discharge papers.  

What we know: nada

We have a couple of referrals for some doctors - including a neurologist who focuses on movement and seizures.  Guess I'll start calling tomorrow and working with our insurance to make sure everything is covered.  

We are so grateful to all of our Florida family, church, and neighbors for their support and love.  We've had dinners brought in, cookies brought in, visits, phone calls, messages and so much love.  There aren't words to describe.  

Where this will take us, we don't know, but we know all things are in the Lord's hands, and we trust that things will turn out according to His will and time frame and pray for the faith to make it through.  

Drama Drama Drama (pronounced with a Irish accent)

Really.  It never ends.
We've had some really rough days lately.  6 to be exact.
My husband had an EEG last week for his tremors and saw a neurologist.  The neurologist said he thinks my husband has temporal lobe epilepsy.  WHAT?
They used strobe lights as part of the EEG, and somehow triggered something nasty inside of my husband.  Now we are fiendishly trying to find the off switch to put the beast back to sleep.
Since Thursday pm, he's been in a state of frequent seizures.  As in, hours at a time of waves of seizing - not blacking out, but convulsing out of control.  Can't walk, can't talk.  At least it isn't very painful yet.  Ugly.
Not what I voted for.

On Thursday the Dr. office was supposed to set up an MRI.  Monday rolled around and we still hadn't heard back from them, so I called to see if it had been set up (nope) and I set it up.  The Dr. office said they'd tried for 3 days but hadn't been able to due to insurance issues.  Whatever.  I distinctly told them South, the 3T machine, with epilepsy panel.  Ok they said and set it up.

I called the Dr. office yesterday am first thing to tell them that my husband's previous tremor a couple of times a week had morphed into an angry blood sucking monster.  They basically gave me the equivalent of 'that's nice dear, and patted my hand' and told me after the MRI, they could see when the Dr. could see him.

I called this morning to ask about sedation for my husband since he is seizing so badly (went through it again with them) during the MRI.  They couldn't recommend that I gave him an anti anxiety medication he had on hand from his first hospital experience when this all started 6 months ago.  And they didn't really want to mess with trying to set up a sedation team for the MRI.

We showed up 30 min early as they had asked.  My husband started convulsing, so they led him to someplace to lie down and were going to get ready to do it.  Then somehow, they looked at the script and came and told me that the procedure had to be done at South, because they didn't have the 3T or epilepsy protocol (yeah - the one I'd requested).  Yeah, what a pain.  They tried to fix it but after two hours, couldn't.  My husband did score some Xanax though.  At least that was something since he was freaking out.  They also informed us there was no way that he could have an MRI in his current shaking condition.
They called the Dr. office, and they recommended that we go to the ER.  What a mess.

Eventually we left, and tomorrow we will try over WITH a sedation team (he's going under), and at the correct facility, with the correct diagnostic panel.

What a ride.  Hoping against all hope that we can find some answers very soon.
  

Good news

Lots and lots going on these days.  Trying to keep up.
On Tuesday, I missed going to my book club even though I had fiendishly read to finish the book in time. However, as part of book club, we usually share our good news.  I'd been thinking through the day (Tuesday) about what I could possibly share.  We are very blessed, but I couldn't think of any good news that seemed share worthy.

I finally found my good news and inspiration today:
While at the Dr. this week, in an answer to our prayers, the Dr. actually saw first hand some of the health issues my husband has been having, and was inspired to go in a different direction than he'd been headed.  With his help, we were able to get in to see another Dr. and will hopefully have some definitive answers soon.  If you didn't know - 2013 has been the year of bad luck health problems in our home. I won't spell it out, but it hasn't been pretty.

Our daughter just texted me to let us know that her audition last night (that she thought she had tanked), wasn't so bad, and she will be able to participate in the all county band.  Not 100% sure what it is, but she's excited about it.  I'm sure it means more schedule jiggling and running around for me, but I think that comes in my job title - or something like that.  

Finally, our washing machine broke.  My in-laws have been in town, and so my father in law was able to unhook the old one, and (I only assisted a little - he's pretty handy) install the one we've been storing in the garage for the past year, for such a day as this.
Hooray - soon my children may have clean clothing to wear!  And the mountain of laundry in my bathroom will be conquered. No. I won't post pictures.

We did celebrate the day of the dead also.  That's an accomplishment - I've been trying to find the energy after Halloween for that one.  I found some fun pumpkin recipes and we had a pumpkin palooza dia de los muertos.

 

A really long post about a trip to Colorado, priesthood blessings, a temple sealing, an appendix, and swimming with alligators

Where to begin?
We've been hanging on to life's roller coaster with white knuckles these past several weeks.
In September, we traveled to Colorado to meet our new tenant and situate everything with our previous tenant.  Several days prior to our travels, my husband began to feel abdominal pain.  We weren't sure what it was, we'd tried some new black rice and chalked it up to the new food experience.

On Wednesday, just prior to leaving, he was really in pain and wasn't walking very well.  I called the missionaries from our church, and asked them to give my husband a priesthood blessing of healing.  They came, and gave him a blessing, and we headed for the airport.

At the airport, he was in a lot of pain, and I payed $9 for a tiny bottle of Aleeve.  He took two, and boarded the plane. During the flight, he squeezed my hand and I tried to distract him with a book on tape.  We discussed calling an ambulance from the airport, or driving straight to a hospital in Denver.  When we touched down however, he stepped into the Denver airport and said he was feeling better.  So well in fact, that after picking up our bags, he drove or 3 hours through rain over two mountain passes to our destination in Beaver Creek (one of our most favorite places in the world!).  It was past 1:00 am for our eastern time zone orientation.  We were exhausted.

The next morning, my husband went for a 4 mile run - up the ski mountain 2 miles, then back down 2 miles, and then went for a swim.  We had a fantastic breakfast together at one of my old favorite lunch haunts - the Columbine Bakery (best rolls ever!), and then headed down valley to see our cute yellow house.

We were amazed when we arrived.  The apple trees which had never produced more than 4 apples were full of beautiful crisp apples.  Our pear tree's branch was to the point of breaking due to the excessive amounts of fruit, and the other pear tree that had never given fruit was also laden with tons of pears.  Our raspberries were perfectly ripe (just waiting to be made into jam), and the carrots in the garden were sweet and crunchy.  Our girls didn't miss a moment, and were instantly outside foraging.  It seemed like time had just stood still.   Did I mention how much we loved our yard in Colorado, and gardening?  :)

We walked through our old home, and saw where our previous tenant had stolen our vanity from the wall (it was super cute), and cut holes in the doors for their dogs?, where our last tenants had put up shelving, and we really missed our super cute yellow house.

Because we were so close to the girl's previous school, we dropped by and got to see all of the girl's old teachers.  

Because it was lunch time, our youngest daughter saw two old friends in the hall on their way to lunch.  She ran up with hugs, and joined them in the lunch room at their table, and got to catch up with all of her old friends.  She was in heaven. 

Our eldest daughter was able to see her old teachers, as well as noting much of the artwork still around the school that she had done.

We stopped by our old favorite mexican restaurant (yes, they had horchata bless them!), and saw the same menu, ordered the same items, and then went to meet our eldest daughter's previous teacher who was at a different school.
 
My husband was having a hard time walking and was clutching his side.  So, I called his previous Dr. office and they said they could see him.  I dropped our daughters off at the school, dropped him off a mile away at the Dr. and came back to visit with the teacher.  As we left, my husband called and said that the Dr. office was sending him up to the hospital for a CT scan and blood work.

Blast from the past!  We had a white knuckle drive through Wolcott, in a yucky rain storm (the Bermuda triangle of the Vail Valley) while my husband insisted that he was just fine.  I took him to the hospital.  Yep, where he worked for 13 years.  Where both of our children were born.  One of our old friends was working in the lab and did a double take when we walked in.  The blood work was fine. 
 He had a CT, and while he was waiting for the radiologist to read it, his gums started to tingle, then he broke out with itching and hives all over his body.  They rushed him to the ER due to an allergic reaction to the contrast.


While in the ER, the radiologist spoke with the Dr. and we were informed that his appendix had to come out immediately.  So much for the party with old friends that had been planned for the evening.  We got to have a different party.

Dinner at the hospital

Our friend Joe came to the hospital and gave my husband a priesthood blessing, promising him that the surgery would go well, and that the surgeon would be guided.  They said it would take no longer than 1.5 hours.  We waited, and waited. Finally at 1.75 hrs. the surgeon came out and told me that his appendix had been "reaaallly" large, and had been wedged down into his pelvis.  It had been difficult to remove, and was a miracle that it hadn't burst.  (I believe it should have burst while we were flying, but didn't due to the blessing he'd received just before we left)

We saw him in recovery (even though he didn't remember later), and he sent us back to the hotel (another 1 am night for our kids).  The next morning, we picked up some stretchy old man pants from the store, and he was discharged, so we headed to Denver.

In Denver, our dear friends were being sealed together for eternity in the LDS temple.  10+ years ago, we'd witnessed our friend's civil marriage and were so excited to see them be sealed for eternity.  My friend had asked me to be her guide/escort as she visited the temple for the first time that day.  Unfortunately, the elements, (and appendixes) conspired against us.  Traffic and construction and potty/walking stops slowed us down and I wasn't able to get there in time.  I got my husband situated in a hotel bed, got some pain medication into him, fed the kids lunch, and got them settled down, working on their homework and had a quiet moment to think.  I had a sudden thought, and called the temple and received permission to meet our friends when they came out.  It was truly an amazing experience to be waiting and see them walk through the door, and to hug each other again.

The next morning, we checked out of our hotel, trying to figure out what our next step would be.  We'd originally planned to drive straight to Ut. to see our family and my ailing grandfather.  That didn't seem likely in light of the appendectomy.  We headed to the temple and were able to see our friends be sealed for eternity.  

 It was awesome.  My husband was barely walking, and so we sat on a bench to wait for our friends and figure out our next plans.  An old friend said hello and asked where we were staying.  We told her we weren't sure if we were going to stay in Denver or head back to the mountains.  She immediately offered her home.  After some discussion, we gratefully accepted her offer.  We headed back to the mountains that evening, and barely succeeded in getting my husband up the stairs. 
 He had an awful night due to the pain (his pain meds were causing indigestion problems, so he stopped them).  The next morning we sent our girls to church with our hosts, even though we'd hoped to stop at our old ward a little further down the valley.  I got to play nurse. As the kids got back from church, my dear cousin and his sweet family arrived - we'd hoped to see them, but couldn't make the drive.  They did a 6 hour trip to see us.  It was so nice to see them!  Finished up with a quiet evening, while I silently panicked, waiting for our bank to open the next morning, since someone had stolen our credit card and gone on a shopping spree at Armani in Orlando earlier that day.

On Monday, we had breakfast at Minturn's Turntable (our old post snowshoe gathering point).  While we'd expected to drop my husband back for a nap, he insisted he was fine, so we went up to Beaver Creek where the girls tromped around in the creek, looking for pyrite and faux gold nuggets.   

It was a beautiful day, with gorgeous weather, and we laughed A LOT.  It was so refreshing - we all needed that morning after the previous several days.  We'd been in limbo with where/what to do, trying to gauge my husband's health.  He insisted he felt fine, so we packed up, and headed to Denver.  Checked into our hotel, quick nap/homework, then caught a cab to the Denver Rockies stadium where we watched our favorite team beat the St. Cardinals.  We even got the last two free shirts they were handing out to guests.  Great seats. Great game. Finally found a cab, and made it back to our hotel.  We did laundry, and checked out the next day, and headed back to Florida.  Phew.  It was really nice to get home.

Two days later, my husband went to the Dr.  I pulled out the radiology report and read through it before our appointment.  At that point, I realized just how lucky he was.  His appendix had been 14mm.  According to google, 14 is the highest point on the scale and anything over 6mm is acute appendicitis.  My husband the "Overachiever".  Glad he's still with me.  :)

He ended up spending the next week in Chicago, and our ward had it's fabulous annual primary program, along with an open house afterwards for guests the next week.  The kids were really great - and I loved that we asked questions, and their answers were their parts.  One child knew that Heavenly Father loves him, because He gave him, "dragons, and my brother".  Another explained that the Fall (of Adam), was when Eve ate the poisoned apple (yes, we live close to Disney).

This week, I went for my Monday bike ride, and realized that I was feeling good.  So I turned around and did it again - my first 20 miler ever!  On Wed. I did it again.  On Friday, I noticed that both of our bikes had flat tires (I'd been using the spare after my tire burst).  So, Saturday, I got some new tires, and tubes, and repaired the bikes.  Yippee!!

During the past two weeks I've also been training for a 1000 meter swim across a lake and back - a lake with possible large reptiles (this is Florida).  I invited a friend to do it with me.  She was excited, and mentioned it to her husband (Rowdy Gaines, an Olympic Gold Medalist).  She wasn't super excited about the super early morning swim, but Rowdy invited us to a swim that was scheduled later in the day after his master series swim meet.
So this weekend, I and two friends, along with Rowdy and his wife swam across Lake Cane together.

 Was I the last one to cross?  Yep.  


Was it really hard?  Yep.  Did I see some dark shadows in the water? Possibly.  Did I make it? Barely. 
 But - I DID IT!  Not bad for a girl who could barely swim 50 laps in her pool in February, and who couldn't swim at all when she moved to Florida 2 years ago.
I'm so grateful to my friend David.
He swam the entire way there and back with me.  He encouraged me the entire time, and was really great.  I was a little embarrassed when I looked up and saw the silhouettes of all of the onlookers, and those who'd already finished standing on the dock waiting for me to finish.  Then I heard cheering, and my kid's voices,  
shouting "Go, mom!" "You can do it, mom!" Some of the sweetest sounds I've ever heard.

My next feat - the ward Fall Festival, followed by a month of company, Thanksgiving, and the Christmas holiday season. Cheers