Monday, January 13, 2014

Holy Smokes - it has been a while!

We were so flipping excited to roll in a new year.
My husband's dr. told him he could come back in 6 months (YAY!!), but he's still seeing 2 other drs. in the meantime.
Our holidays were oh so very quiet this year.  Which is okay, but it didn't feel like Christmas to anyone for the most part. Anyways, the kids are back in school, and all of the Christmas clutter is put away (thank Heavens!).  The missionaries (the Elders and Sisters) came over for dinner on Christmas night along with some other friends, and we have flan and carne asada.
After many years of marriage, we finally realized that we have virtually no traditions for Christmas day evening.  We decided that since we don't like turkey or ham (once a year is plenty thanks), we should figure out a meal we really like.
So - if you wonder what we eat for Christmas dinner - Carne asada, black beans, rice, & flan.  If you were wondering about Easter - Taquitos and Trifle.  (Yes, I'm aware of the mixed nationalities on that one, thank you very much).

Not sure how I got onto that food tandem.
Moving along.

My husband worked 27.5 hours last week.  I think he felt really good about it.  The kids went to school, we moved a bunch of shelving out of our bedroom and some storage things around in our spare room and turned it into a home office.  This weekend, he graduated from a tv tray table to a table - and we picked up a 6' table for some other projects - like sorting 16 years worth of photos and putting them into albums.  Can I cry yet?
It also comes in handy for entertaining - we actually used it tonight - before I had a chance to spread out all of the projects on it.  Nifty nifty.

So.  Kids in school, husband working, me in a quiet house (except for when he takes piano breaks).  I've read a few good books, and have enjoyed re-locating my kitchen counters and floors (work in progress).  I also got 40.5 miles logged on my bike last week.  A family ride including dinner, a 20 miler for me just cause (and I explored some new trails!), and then a tenner with my daughter on Sat. with lots of water breaks as we combat her asthma.

I still have a feeling of being underwater - like there's so much to do, and I just can't find the motivation to get it done - things seem like they are going in slow-mo.  But, I'm slowly getting closer to the surface again (I hope).

I had a thought this morning which brought me comfort.  I was thinking about a friend who's son has been really sick.  Her husband has been out of town, and so yesterday, she called the Elders (that's their title even though they are only around 20), and asked them to give her son a priesthood blessing.  Last update from her this evening was that he is doing much better since the blessing.  Her son, he isn't 18 yet, he is still young.  I thought about - why was he sick?  As in, what would the purpose be?  He's very recently had a LOT of stress and very heavy challenges, and this seemed to be the straw that would break the camel's back.  So, what is the purpose of everything he may be going through?

Then I saw it.  The answer - just simple and there.  How could this young man ever expect to gain a testimony of priesthood blessings, if he never got ill enough to need to be healed through one?

Take it a little further.  Our experiences in life teach us, and give us opportunities to grow.
So - where am I/he/our kids growing right now?  Sometimes it is hard to see the forest through the trees.  I've learned that there are so many kind people, and I will be forever grateful to them for their kindness and compassion.  I've learned that things just don't turn out as planned.  I've learned that there are many worse things that a husband who experiences what is "formerly known as seizures".

My husband has been working with a counselor, and has asked me to join him.  I'm learning more about who he really is, and what he thinks.  Our relationship seems to change every day.  I'm learning that I'm maybe not very patient.  We have found opportunities to discuss many things, as we try to figure this out day by day.  During my husband's last session, I actually found myself remembering some incidents from MY childhood that I had buried deep down in the recesses of my mind.

I've also realized, that if you break an arm, it needs time to heal.  Whatever my husband is dealing with may (hopefully) heal very slowly.  It may also never heal.

But, one thing that I have learned is that I'm not in charge, and neither is he.  I have to let go, and let the Lord steer and guide us, and the closer I am to listening to the Spirit, the closer I'll come to understanding the meaning of this experience we are having.  Then again, perhaps not.  Perhaps, there is a much more subtle meaning from all of this, and I may never know.

The one thing I do know is that GOD Loves Me!  No matter what.  He is aware and mindful of my prayers and my needs, as well as those of the family.  But, as long as I faithfully believe on the healing merits and power of Christ and His love, I know that we can make it through this, and it will be all right.

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