Thursday, November 13, 2014

A year ago life changed...

Yesterday was my husband's anniversary.
The anniversary of a REALLY tough year which included 6+ neurologists, weeks of time "lost" from sitting in waiting rooms, lots of blood tests, genetic tests, many classes of psychotic drugs, questions, questions, self doubt, mental and emotional break downs, and a lot of sleepless nights and prayers.

Did I mention that it has been a rough year?
Along our journey this past year, we've learned some insights, learned about ourselves, seen our relationship grow in other ways, and changed our method of thinking in regards to Western medicine.

Last night at my book club, we were discussing choices.  Choices of people who choose death rather than suffering.  I don't honestly know if someone told me beforehand what we would experience this past year, if I would have accepted it.  It hasn't been pleasant.

However, in retrospect, true real growth has emerged.  It is a process. A very slow healing process.

What we know now, that we didn't know a year ago:
My husband has experienced extreme trauma at some point in his life, which has had lasting effects on his life.  Authenticity and Connection are essential to life, as are creativity and play.  Healing doesn't always take the road one hopes.  Our life's path sometimes goes as it does, and crosses another's with purpose. My husband doesn't have epilepsey, and he still shakes.  Big shake him out of his chair onto the floor shakes. But he is learning to cope with it.  It may last for his entire life.  His relationship with God and Jesus Christ has changed.  Many things have changed.  Perhaps it was necessary for us to move far away to be in a safe enough of a place that he could begin to process the internal wounds that he carries.  We may never know, but we are so grateful for the people who have shown up on our porch with dinner for us, because they were inspired that we needed it that night.  We are grateful for the prayers and personal fasts of our neighbors and families, as we've searched for healing and answers.  There's so much to be grateful for.  Recommended books that came at the right time, when we were ready, that have given us insight as we continue to piece healing together, bit by bit.  

Crossed paths - A friend recommended a naturopath doctor to us.  He has been very helpful.
I mentioned this to a friend.  Her son had extreme anxiety.  They are so grateful for our recommendation for this doctor, because her son has healed so much.  He actually just went on a trip to Europe by himself, which is something he never could have accomplished a year ago.

So, I'm finding purpose in the little things.  Day to day small triumphs.

Life is slowly calming down. We just keep breathing and trusting that things work out in their own time - and that they will work out the correct way - even when we can't see the forest for the trees.