Monday, February 25, 2013

Story with an unfortunate ending

I've been waiting for this post for a couple of weeks.  Unfortunately, the ending of this story looks like it is taking a much different path than what we'd hoped and anticipated.

A couple of months ago, I went to an endocrinologist to try and figure out what is going on with my homrones.  After some minor tests, they did a test where they injected me with a dye, and watched where the dye went. They wanted to see if I had any blockage.  Nope. 

They did find some polyps on my uterus though.  And said they'll need to be removed.  So, I was waiting for somethings to happen so that I could schedule the polyps removal surgery.  They didn't happen, and didn't happen.  So the dr. office did some blood work, and said - just wait a little longer...any time soon.  

It still didn't happen, so I took a home pregnancy test.  It was positive. 
The dr. did a pregnancy test.  It was positive.  Two days later they did another to confirm an increase in the hcg.  There was an increase, but only of 30 (it should have almost doubled).  

The dr. put me on some other drugs because my iron is low and my progesterone was too and told me to have more blood work done on Sat. 
The labs were closed on Sat.  

I went to the lab this morning at 6am.  They gave me the result after 30 minutes.  Instead of doubling and tripling, a number that was at 358 dropped to 70.  

I'm devastated.  Waiting for a miscarriage now. 
I know that this will pass.  It was so out of the blue - we were afraid to hope.  
Our youngest daughter is completely devastated.  We cry together.  

We know that we will heal and that life will move on.  But for this week, I'm so very sad.  
Several days ago, I let go of the steering wheel and asked Heavenly Father to take over, and have been praying to be able to accept His will.  I'm oddly comforted, because I know that He is aware of my pain.  As I was reading my scriptures last week, I came across 2 Nephi 10 in the Book of Mormon.  There were several verses which seemed to be written for me.  One verse said, why should we let our heads hang down... another said, lift up your head, and be of good cheer.  If ever I needed to hear words of love and comfort from my Heavenly Father, it has been during this time.  


Thursday, February 21, 2013

Pretzels and Eternal Marriage

I've been having trouble sleeping.  This morning I was up at 3:00 am.  I should be tired.  I did some cleaning in the kitchen.  Looked at some cool recipes on pinterest, and then went back to bed at 5 hoping to at least get 30 more minutes before my morning walk.

No such luck.  So, I walked for an hour, made breakfast (well, two of us had oatmeal - the other two wanted cold cereal).  It was one of those days when for whatever reason, we actually had time to read scriptures in the morning at breakfast (we normally read at night before bed).  My husband got out the door to work on time (miracle), and lunches were made and kids were ready early today too.  I wish I could take any of the credit.  Time just seemed to slow down a little bit this morning.

One of the perks though was that I had planned to make a church visit this morning, but got a text cancelling our visit.  As such - I postponed my shower (I knew there was a reason why I didn't shower right away this morning) and I was able to get in my 10 mile bike ride this morning.  And I'm stoked because I can ride 10 miles in 58 minutes!  Yes - slow for some, but that's fast for me!  And it was - as always at this time of year...beautiful, crisp, fall like weather.  And a bonus because I'm eating sugar today (my once a week day sugar day).

So yesterday, my friend had her day off from work and we usually try to go shopping, cook something new, or hang out a little bit at least together.  We accompanied each other to some appointments, then went to Hollerbach's Willow Tree Cafe in Sanford, Florida.  If you like German food - this place is for you. If you love really big pretzels - this place is for you.  If you love live German bands on the weekend - with German food and really big pretzels - this place is REALLY for you.


We like the really big pretzels. :)
If you aren't into sausage - might I recommend the pretzels?

On a more serious note - I've had some things running through my head lately.  I've been asked to speak in church on Sunday (kind of like giving the sermon since there is no paid clergy in our church).  I was asked to speak about President Monson's talk on Temples from the October 2012 general conference.  Here's a link to the talk I will be referencing my remarks from:,+(name%3a%22Thomas+S.+Monson%22)  So.

On top of speaking in church on Sunday and thinking about temples, yesterday, one of my best friends in the world contacted me and told me that she and her husband will be sealed together for eternity this fall in an LDS temple (actually, her husband told me, but she confirmed it).  I spoke with her last night - and I am so excited for them - and so sad that I won't be there with them.

As I was collecting my thoughts on how to post my thoughts about this, I wasn't sure how to explain how important temples are to the Mormon faith.  Here's a wonderful link (if you aren't familiar with our faith)that clarifies our beliefs about marriage and temples - which they explain much better than I do. 

In thinking about my talk, and my friend, I recalled that over 10 years ago, I was asked to be the Relief Society President of our small mountain branch in Colorado.  This means a religious leader over all of the women who lived in our geographic area - to assist with needs, mobilize the troops, and help care and watch over everyone.  Many of the women in our church spoke Spanish, and many didn't speak English.  There was a huge cultural gap and it was quite a challenge.

When I received the list of ladies that I was responsible for the watch care of - there were so many that I didn't know, and had never met, much less heard of.  I started going through the lists, and made phone calls introducing myself, and asking if I could come and visit and meet these ladies.  Sometimes I didn't have a phone number, so I would find an address and stop by their home.  Sometimes people yelled at me and asked me to never call again.  Sometimes people had moved or numbers were disconnected.  I worked so hard, as did the ladies who worked with me.  Sometimes, a tenure is long, sometimes it is short.  Almost exactly a year later, I was released from this calling (my responsibilities), and given other opportunities to serve.  I felt a loss and wondered why I hadn't been given more time.

In reflection this morning, I realized that in that small window of a year, I made an eternal impact on three women and their families.  My best friend who will be going to the temple soon, where she will make eternal covenants with Heavenly Father, and then be sealed to her husband.  Another very close friend who hadn't responded to me at the time, but I later met, and became a very close friend to, came back to the church after many years away.  After a time, her husband was baptized and her family was later sealed.  This was at least five years after my service as RS president.  Another friend who had been away from the church for almost fifty years slowly made her way back over an eight year span, and has gone through the temple again.  I love and cherish these women.  I can now stand back in hindsight and see that my efforts had an impact on their lives and on the eternities in that short year that I loved and served them as their leader.

I don't understand a lot of things.  Especially about life and people.  But, I love that I can look back and understand things differently, and know that I may have made a difference in someone's life.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Happy Valentine's Day!

Here are our daughter's personalized cards (who doesn't want a picture of her handing them a sucker?) that she's sharing with her class this year.  Next year, we'll do them at Costco with some of their card templates, but they turned out pretty cute anyways.  

And of course....what Valentine's day would be complete without the homemade caramels for the school teachers to add a little more sweetness to their day?  We've been doing caramels for teachers Since 2005 - almost 10 years!  Here's a link to the recipe.

Wishing everyone a very sweet day full of thoughtful kindness and gestures.