Monday, February 25, 2013

Story with an unfortunate ending

I've been waiting for this post for a couple of weeks.  Unfortunately, the ending of this story looks like it is taking a much different path than what we'd hoped and anticipated.

A couple of months ago, I went to an endocrinologist to try and figure out what is going on with my homrones.  After some minor tests, they did a test where they injected me with a dye, and watched where the dye went. They wanted to see if I had any blockage.  Nope. 

They did find some polyps on my uterus though.  And said they'll need to be removed.  So, I was waiting for somethings to happen so that I could schedule the polyps removal surgery.  They didn't happen, and didn't happen.  So the dr. office did some blood work, and said - just wait a little longer...any time soon.  

It still didn't happen, so I took a home pregnancy test.  It was positive. 
The dr. did a pregnancy test.  It was positive.  Two days later they did another to confirm an increase in the hcg.  There was an increase, but only of 30 (it should have almost doubled).  

The dr. put me on some other drugs because my iron is low and my progesterone was too and told me to have more blood work done on Sat. 
The labs were closed on Sat.  

I went to the lab this morning at 6am.  They gave me the result after 30 minutes.  Instead of doubling and tripling, a number that was at 358 dropped to 70.  

I'm devastated.  Waiting for a miscarriage now. 
I know that this will pass.  It was so out of the blue - we were afraid to hope.  
Our youngest daughter is completely devastated.  We cry together.  

We know that we will heal and that life will move on.  But for this week, I'm so very sad.  
Several days ago, I let go of the steering wheel and asked Heavenly Father to take over, and have been praying to be able to accept His will.  I'm oddly comforted, because I know that He is aware of my pain.  As I was reading my scriptures last week, I came across 2 Nephi 10 in the Book of Mormon.  There were several verses which seemed to be written for me.  One verse said, why should we let our heads hang down... another said, lift up your head, and be of good cheer.  If ever I needed to hear words of love and comfort from my Heavenly Father, it has been during this time.  


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