Friday, September 5, 2008

Mother's remorse

Ever heard of buyers remorse? I've got it - but I didn't buy anything.
That day that I've been anticipating for several years has finally arrived.
It is true - I can now officially go to the bathroom on my own (without company), go for a hike or walk without having to push or pull someone, and even go to the grocery store without having to deal with a tantrum, whining, or begging. I have several hours a day to work on my business accounts, play my music, read my scriptures, sew, work on projects, and organize my home. There's no one right behind me messing it all up as I go.

That said - I've found that it just isn't what it is cracked up to be. I miss my little ones - I miss hearing their laughter...I've grown accustomed to go throughout my day with one ear cocked and listening for them - keeping tabs on them..where they are and what they are doing. My house is awfully quiet now. I especially miss my little one - she was my helper.
School has begun. After school yesterday I asked on of my children if she missed me. She replied, "Only a little."
I think I just hit that stage where parents are completely expendable. I never thought that all of my kids would be in school this early - this definitely wasn't what I had planned... I still imagined having 2 or 3 still running around, I figured this day would hit in another 5-10 years or so - not so soon! But here I am and I'm not sure I love it. I wish I could go back and do just a few more art projects, playing with clay, day trips, stories and snugly naps together. I was so excited and now I'm not sure I can figure out what for??

That said - here are our photos of the first day. We had an orientation on Wednesday that turned into - drop your child off for 3 hours and then pick them up at the end of the day... so she had two official first days!


The official first (second) day as (of course) they were late and running out the door:



Once we got there:


After school:



3 comments:

The CLAMShack: said...

your post has inspired me even more to make the most of this last year...before they go off to school! thanks for the blog.....i can see where exactly you're coming from!

Tisha said...

Those pics of your girls are ADORABLE! I LOVE Maddie's huge smile!

Jules said...

Oh man! Tell me it's not really like that. I've been dreaming of the day (4 years from now) when I'll be able to sit down on the couch in the middle of my day and crack open a book and read without anyone interrupting me. I want to get out the empty scrapbooks I've been saving up and get to work. I have plans! Don't tell me I'll be too sad to carry them through!